Thursday, 17 May 2018
Sample sent by Donato M
feedback in red
On account of the current lack of support offered to the college’s international students, this proposal is intended to make some suggestions as to how the website could better cater to their needs.
PROVIDING USEFUL INFORMATION
After closely examining the website’s content, it became evident that information regarding seminars and local events
was is insufficient. Therefore, I would recommend providing accurate timetables giving and a clear
overview of what seminars and events international students have the chance to can experience attend at our
college. Not only would this enable them to acclimatise to the new environment,
but they would also raise their cultural awareness, which is crucial when
studying abroad. (check last sentence)
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly believe that, should these suggestions be implemented effectively, the website will prove to be a useful tool for any foreign student willing to study here and that their permanence at our college will definitely be much more enjoyable. (Try breaking this long sentence is two to make it reader friendlier).
Thursday, 26 April 2018
I am Álvaro de diego, a spanish student from Seville. I have seen the announcement about correcting writings for free. I write to you in order to know if you would be able to correct a writing from me that is supposed to have enough quality for the CPE examn.
Thank you very much for your attention.
Álvaro de diego
Your local newspaper has published a story about plans to develop one of the parks near your home. The trees will be cleared and a small shopping centre and parking lot will be built on the land. You decide to send a letter to the editor of the newspaper expressing your opinions on this matter and addressing the likely effects that this development will have on your community in the short and longer terms.
Feedback is in colour red.
The text in red needs correction.
Dear Sir/ Madam
I am writing to you regarding the article about the construction of a new mall located in the neighbourhood park, which appeared in Tuesday’s edition of your newspaper. I would like to express some concerns I have about the matter.
Our neighbourhood is a very residential one where the park has the main role of a second house for the majority of people living here. Due to the big amount of families the park is used for old people to go for a walk, for young and not so young people to do sport, for the kids to play… and I could go on naming various uses. Saying this I mean that removing the park from our district would affect negatively our way of living in many aspects.
On the other hand, is truth that a mall would give more life to our neighbourhood and jobs to the people that doesn’t have one, but these are short-term effects. On the long-term
period, having a mall filled with shops, maybe discos and pubs and a parking
lot would have very bad consequences that for sure weren’t considered when this
development was proposed.
First of all, the little shops from our neighbourhood would become obsolete compare to the mall, resulting in the closing of many of them. Another consequence,
this one in a
long-term period, would be the increase of pollution and noise due to the
people coming in and out from the mall and the cars, and taking into
consideration the current problem of climate change, cutting trees to construct
a mall wouldn’t be appropriate at all.
To summarise, although
the idea of having a mall would be have some advantages, it has many more
disadvantages both in the short and the long-term. I would suggest building the mall outside the city, where it could be
bigger, as nobody lives close, and too the noise and pollution would affect the
population from our district or the one around us.
Try to make the text more formal and avoid repeating words ("mall" for example has been used more than 5 times)
Monday, 19 March 2018
My name is Franco and I'm a Italian student who is going to sit for the CPE exam on this May 2018. So, I would be so grateful if you don't mind to help me correct my Essay about Tourism.
Please refer to the Word document in attached.
I'm looking forward to your feedback and should be great if you can mark my home work with a score aligned with CPE Assessment of Writing.
Thank you in advance.
The downside of tourism
Despite the importance of the tourism industry to local economies there are significant costs to being a popular holiday destination. Local cultures can suffer as the needs of the tourist are given priority. For example, local shops can be demolished to make way for larger retail developments. In addition, the negative effects on the environment are well documented. Areas suffering from scarce water, food and energy resources can see the situation deteriorate with the extra demand caused by an influx of tourists. There will often be a physical impact as well, with increases in local pollution or the effect on the eco-system of large-scale construction. More significantly, the generation of income for the local economy is often lower than envisaged. The majority of income can often go to multi-nationals such as airline companies and hotel chains.
Recent years have seen a growth in what is termed 'eco-tourism'. The aim of eco-tourism is to unite conservation and communities through sustainable travel. So what are the key elements of eco-tourism? In addition to minimizing the impact of tourism on the environment, successful eco-tourism should also raise the awareness of cultural and environmental issues amongst the local host destination and the visiting tourist. Eco-tourism should be a positive experience for the local community as well as the tourist. Finally, eco-tourism should offer clear financial benefits to local people and to local conservation issues.
Text that needs correction is in red
The downside of Tourism
Tourism can be considered one of the biggest and fastest growing industries across the globe. In this essay, I will include some pros and cons that brings the industry of tourism
to our everyday life.
Thursday, 15 March 2018
My name is Evangelos and I'm a Greek student who is going to sit for the CPE exam on this May. So, I would be so grateful if you don't mind casting an eye over my piece of writing (it's the part 1: essay composition, and you'll find it attached in doc format).
I'm looking forward to your feedback.
Thank you in advance.
CPE Writing: Essay
Task: The two extracts given regard capital punishment and are the followings:
Extract 1: Killing for nothing
Under no circumstances can capital punishment be condoned. It is a barbaric form of punishment, which serves no useful purpose as it obviously does not act as a deterrent. In the
example, the use of capital punishment increased greatly during the eighties
and nineties, but with no corresponding effect on the crime rate. Another
argument says that it effectively deals with people who are a danger to
society. But in any case, they spend years, even decades, on death row while
their appeals are used up, and might as well just be sentenced to life
imprisonment with no possibility of parole. USA
Extract 2: Innocents die
The system by which people are convicted is simply not as foolproof as some people would have us believe, and the odds against an innocent person being killed are just too high. While the risk of this happening remains a very real possibility, the death sentence is unacceptable. In this age of DNA evidence many people in American prisons awaiting execution have been found to be innocent. The other problem is prejudice. Even if a person is found guilty and convicted of a crime, they are likely to get a worse sentence if they are from an ethnic minority, and a disproportionately large number of these people are executed every year in the States.
My piece of writing
Feedback: write a title
Over the last years, changes in many countries’ legal system have come a long way in an attempt to comply with the requirements of basic human rights. Nonetheless, the implementation of capital punishment still remains a controversial issue. Both texts deal with the effectiveness of such a cruel form of penalisation and provide different accounts on the subject. (Feedback: maybe save the word "cruel" for your conclusion)